and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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