Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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