thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Bring me that man meat
We need to get me chipped asap
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
