Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
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I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
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she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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