So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
