YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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