i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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