so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
