I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
