Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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