You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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