i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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