my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
