Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
And then he peed in my hair
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