I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
