i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
