I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
