the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
