sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
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We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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