Define "chronic" masturbator.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
pop tarts are not kleenex
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
