I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
