the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
