miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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