I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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