so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
