We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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