Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
