The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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