anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
