The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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