I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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