you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
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In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
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All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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