i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
