i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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