you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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