so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
