before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
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