Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
