I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
