Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
