Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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