Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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