NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
