Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Shame - the story of my life.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
