it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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