Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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