so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
