checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
