I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
