That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
