Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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