apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
