Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
