You're so nebulous sometimes
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
