I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
