I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
