I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
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If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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