I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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