I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
