last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
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I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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