If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
