she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
