we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
