she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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