end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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