do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
