My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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