1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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