Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
