I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he thought i was a dude.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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