with your own penis?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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