Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
