everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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