Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Someone came in the potted fern
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
